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Sep. 24th, 2013

I Hate Clinic

I swear clinic is going to turn me into an alcoholic and I hardly ever drink anymore except for the occasional glass of sauvignon blanc. Respiratory therapy is the most useless profession out there. The ICU and ER are bearable, but giving breathing treatments non-stop on the adult floors is the most mind-numbing experience ever. Plus, it is damn tiring on my poor legs. My clinical instructor is stopping by tomorrow to observe me do a bedside assessment. Yawn. Who actually does an assessment for respiratory? No one. Ok maybe one therapist actually did, but everyone else hardly bothers with it. Patient is sleeping? Slap the mask on. Vital signs? Lets get them from the monitors in the nurses' station. Breath sounds? 10 point auscultation? LOL you're lucky if they auscultate two points on the chest. And apparently everyone in the hospital has a respiratory rate of 20. It is all about cutting corners. And granted some of the patient loads are excessive and they end up doing the bare minimum to get by. I don't know how I'm supposed to survive two semesters of this crap. Four weeks in and I was ready to quit by week two.

The whole program is a joke. No one teaches anything. Going to class is a joke. If I had a choice I wouldn't even bother to show up. I can read the damn book on my own. Granted I think the worst part of this whole ordeal are the people one has to interact with. They take themselves and the program way too seriously.

Now If I was younger I would QUIT!!!!!!!!!!

But I don't have the stomach to start all over again. I've been dabbling here and there without committing to anything. I actually enjoy EMT the best, but you can't make a living off that. Perhaps my future lies in critical care transport. We shall see.

Mar. 5th, 2010

I Just Don't Care...Yay!

Oh look a Julian Lennon song. I found it amusing on a variety of different fronts. Haha.



"I Don't Wanna Know" - Julian Lennon (1998)

I don't wanna know what's going on
and I don't wanna know what's right or wrong
and I don't wanna know who's bed you're in
and I don't wanna know just where you've been.

Oh baby, you were never really good for me
just maybe, you're a stranger to reality
and baby, don't you know you haven't got a clue
'cos lately, I don't know what to do.

I don't wanna know what's going on
and I don't wanna know what's right or wrong
and I don't wanna know who's bed you're in
and I don't wanna know just where you've been.

Oh baby, you said you're changing for the better now
just maybe, you're not as strong as you thought somehow
and baby, you know you're heading down a one way track
and baby, I won't bring you back.

Well, you said you were looking for a better way
but you just keep coming back
to a place you can never seem to get away
that will always hold you back...

Oh baby, you said you'd rather be a daddy's girl,
but lately, you're try'n a fight against the whole wide world
just maybe, you've found a love that you can hold on to
and baby, I pray for you.

I don't wanna know what's going on
and I don't wanna know what's right or wrong
and I don't wanna know who's bed you're in
and I don't wanna know just where you've been...

Jan. 30th, 2010

A Child's Broken Dreams

Work has had be in a pensive mood lately. I haven't been able to grasp exactly what I feel because I don't truly understand it. A child with no dreams. A child with no aspirations. It is something that you can't blame on poverty yet it makes me wonder what role a parent plays in all this. I've been doing the rounds in gritty neighborhoods and I posed one question to the 2nd graders that I currently see. A simple question, that should be full of possibilities: What do you want to be when you grow up?...and the answers I get somewhat sadden me. A gardener. Selling clothes at a swap meet. These are answers I never expected. They leave me literally speechless. In a sense it is a product of their environment yet you would expect a parent to want more for their child. Yo no se. You can't blame the environment alone or else no one would rise above the obstacles they're dealt in life. You have to engage them. I have to engage them

There has to be a middle ground. Next to these mediocre answers, the follow up sentence is always: I want to be rich. I understand why they say it, but it makes me uncomfortable. I understand that for a child sharing a one bedroom apartment with five other siblings, money might have a special ring to it, but I hate it how at a very young age we put this value on money that it really shouldn't have. Money isn't going to make you happy. That's a fact. You can have all the money in the world and be the most miserable. In essence, once your basic needs are met, money does little to improve your mood.

40,000.

The magic number seems to be 40,000 dollars. Once you reach it, anything beyond it isn't going to matter much. Try telling that to America.

Jan. 12th, 2010

Just Walk Away...




Walk Away Reneé - Left Banke

And when I see the sign that points one way
The lot we used to pass by every day

Chorus 1:
Just walk away, Renee
You won't see me follow you back home
The empty sidewalks on my block are not the same
You're not to blame

From deep inside the tears that I'm forced to cry
From deep inside the pain that I chose to hide

Chorus 2:
Just walk away, Renee
You won't see me follow you back home
Now, as the rain beats down upon my weary eyes
For me it cries

FLUTE SOLO

Chorus 2:
Just walk away, Renee
You won't see me follow you back home
Now, as the rain beats down upon my weary eyes
For me it cries

Your name and mine inside a heart upon a wall
Still finds a way to haunt me though they're so small

Chorus 1:
Just walk away, Renee
You won't see me follow you back home
The empty sidewalks on my block are not the same
You're not to blame

Jan. 10th, 2010

Lemon Cilantro Hummus

I finally made hummus. I got tired of driving to Fresh & Easy like every week. It tastes good.

Jan. 9th, 2010

Bloody Hell

I lost my phone in the cab yesterday. Ugh. I'm hoping the stupid driver turned it in. Por favor. Aye. Anyhow if you receive any random phone calls from me....well in the words of Shaggy "it wasn't me".

Update:
Totally not related to my fucking phone. My mom smashed my car into a parked car. Really? Old ladies should be banned from driving.

Update Numero Dos:
My car is ok. Just another scratch to add to the collection on the bumper. And I got my phone back....wooo hooo. Hahahaha and I just got paid. Sweet.

Jan. 7th, 2010

Another Saturday Night

I'm trying to decide on whether to drive or take the train to Downtown LA on Saturday. Yo no se.

Valentine's Day

Yay! I don't have to celebrate my most hated holiday. Well maybe I shouldn't be claiming victory so soon since many things can change between now and February 14th. I always felt I was compromising myself by following everyones lead and celebrating something that really should be celebrated all year round. It was always a stressful event. A whole bag of expectations thrown at you. It was literally a nightmare.

In all honesty had the ex and I stayed together I would have made more of an effort to make it special this year. You end up getting caught in your own belief system that in a sense it borders into selfishness. I fought it for two years and it took me that long to realized that I should put my feelings aside and celebrate the damn thing, since it makes the other person happy. In the end it just becomes one more thing I could never set right.

What do I wish? I wish that the next girlie that rolls around hates hates Valentine's Day. Or if she loves the damn holiday, let me be open to it and bite the bullet.

You live, you learn.

I really need to stop getting emails form all the online flower companies. Sorry 1-800-Flowers your deals sounds fine and dandy and though I'm sure she would like the tulips....there's no one to send flowers to. Give it a few months. I'm onto something.

Jan. 5th, 2010

6 years...

At one point I was close to closing down this account but I'm glad I kept it. I enjoy reading old posts and seeing the evolution of what ultimately became me. Sometimes, some of those old posts are beyond outrageous that it makes me wonder how the hell anyone survives their early 20s. It is like reading about someone I hardly know yet in between the craziness there are glimpses of me. I really should change the title of this journal. It is too gay. I guess it mattered more back then than it does now. In the end it is just a small part of who I am.

In other news, I'm beginning to get a bit bored with all this down time for the holiday season. Send me back to work already. I've been catching up with my reading and some of the films in my Netflix account. I'm sending in my application for school this week, so we'll what happens on that front. Marlene wants me to go to San Diego with her and her friend Becky, but I'm really not in the mood for wasting money. They don't plan anything, so everything ends up costing double what it really should. I was actually planning to go to San Diego in late March/early April to go see "Legally Blonde" the musical with the ex-gf. Granted I came up with that plan when I still thought we had a chance of getting back together, haha though now I know better. I'll keep it in the back of my mind, who knows who may come into my life. Seriously, I have a stockpile of dates that never came to be, yet they are waiting to take their turn on center stage. Aye.

It seems I have traded my Griffith Park hike for a brisk walk around the Silverlake Reservoir. I saw Scott Speedman (Ben from "Felicity" all those years ago) jogging out there the other day. Or at least it totally looked like him. It is a lot more social. My hike was more of a solitary adventure. I should just walk the dog out there today. Not in the mood for a full workout. My weight has finally stabilized after fluctuating like a yo-yo for the last few months. Its new set point is 150. I'm actually a tad under that right now. Sadly, I have to replace most of my jeans lol. Never been a fan of the baggy look. I like things that fit. People with ill-fitting clothing make me cringe, especially on lesbians.

Btw why are my wrists so small? I ordered this nice leather buckled bracelet online but it is too big. Even the smallest setting is too big. I still want to wear it though. Don't know if I should have someone add another closure to it or just wear a wrist-band under it....hmmmmm yo no se.

Jan. 1st, 2010

2010

I was planning on going out tonight but I'm waiting to pick-up my parents from the ER. What a way to start off the New Year.

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